i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
