You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
