if i can run in heels then i can drive
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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