I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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