i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
try to milk me bitch
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