the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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