do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
