its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
