Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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