yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
