My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
