you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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