I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
