he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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