You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
