what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
