Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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