Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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