It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
