Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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