Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize