No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
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High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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