Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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