the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
