I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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