I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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