i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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