Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You left your phone here
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