Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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