That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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