Got a toothbrush?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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