with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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