I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
