Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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