I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
