3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
His nipple licking is glorious
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