I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
