You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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