Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
