No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
