I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
