i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
