peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
