I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
