dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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