he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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