So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
