Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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