please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
