Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
