pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
