The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
