ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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