honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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