1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
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I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
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how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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