Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
