Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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