My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
