1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
