my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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