So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
