Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
