it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
