So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
