you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
