Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
