I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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