you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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