also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
