16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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