Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
