TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
