I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
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