I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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